Finding My Voice - Conclusion

I am feeling knowledgeable about how the brain works. I am knowing a lot of people are naturally having really incredibly hard time acknowledging I am able to talk so well even though I am non-verbal. I know having to see it to believe it is a saying but I don’t understand why it is hard to believe. After a person sees me talk they are always shocked and amazed, however mom always tells them I can talk before and they are still surprised. I think that’s a big problem for autistics. I am feeling if everyone assumed autistics are smart instead of being shocked by it then my ABA and school experiences might not have been so awful. I hope someday it will be a normal thing to teach all autistics RPM. I am not naturally finding a lot of letter talkers around here. Hopefully that changes because there are a lot of autistics around here. I feel seeing autism as a brain/body disconnect is needed for an acknowledgement of all autistics being smart to happen. I am feeling autistics should always be given acknowledgement for how much effort it always takes to get in control even a little bit, I am finding it hardest when I am feeling sick or tired. Not able to be in control at all, really ability is gone.

I am a very amazing boy, naturally nice, happy and smart. I am again always giving wrong impression. I am finding that makes lots of misunderstandings. Also I always hear too loud so I am not liking too much noise or crowds. I guess that is not the same for all autistics but it is a big reason I have trouble being calm. I am acknowledging I can be a bit different than other autistics. It doesn’t really matter I feel a lot alike as well. I love meeting other autistics and learning about them. I feel a lot better about my autism also about my personal friendships. I find autistics make great friends. Autistics are great listeners, even if they don’t look like it. I always look not interested in listening, however I love interesting conversations. To a knowledgeable autistic that is no problem. To a person who doesn’t understand autism it can be maddening and frustrating for them. I think not looking at people’s faces is a fine thing but not everyone agrees. I find it a bit tiring to look at a face. I am not sure some people realize that. You are always asked to do tiring things all day long and then you lose control because of being so tired and people get mad at you. I think this is very unfair. I am not in control, I can’t stop it, I can’t behave, I can’t quiet down. I am personally really frustrated, sad, mad and incredibly tired of nobody understanding that. I am feeling better now because I can explain myself. It helps me calm down and acknowledgement of my effort feels great. I am finding now that mom understands autism a lot better my fear and anxiety is relaxing. I also find acknowledging autism is ok and not terrible feels amazing.

I am a really amazing speech writer. I love giving speeches and answering questions. I am personally an expert on autism. I feel I have a lot to teach people about autism. I am knowing autism is misunderstood and I want understanding to happen. I am trying to show people that autistics are smarter than we appear to be. I know finding out that autistics can understand everything is a lot to handle. However it is for the autistic incredibly important that large number of people believe it. I hope giving speeches is helping spread the word. I find it scary and depressing that people are shocked by how well I write. So many people find listening to my speech amazing, but I wonder if Dad wrote it if it really is still amazing. Is it because I’m autistic or because I’m a good writer? I know Mom thinks I’m a good writer but she loves me and that makes her biased. I am just feeling hopeful that someday I will give my speech and nobody will be amazed by me the autistic but by me the Fox. I find Mom is amazed by me the Fox, not autism only, but me. I feel amazing at home I am treated like how everyone should be treated. Home is a great, magical place where I am normal and loved. I find personally I am not treated that well outside of home. I get treated like a person with no mind. I find it is getting harder as I am getting spelling so well. I now each day am treated like a smart person by people that know I can spell. I answer questions and know I am respected. I feel happy saying things to people. Getting to really have a personal conversation is the understanding I always wanted. I therefore have no feeling of patience for someone treating me like I am stupid. It is no longer acceptable and never should have been. I feel no autistic likes being talked to like a stupid person. Nice, loving people really should understand that. A challenging thing is making conversation with someone who doesn’t talk yet. I am going to give some advice for this situation: Happily talk normally, not slow and loud; nicely acknowledge person is there and listening, learning and understanding; point and laugh is not allowed; need to include person even if they have hard time participating; and last but not least always have patience and understanding of brain/body disconnect. Not only for autistics but all people should be treated with respect and understanding. Nicely finding that there are a lot of nice people in the world, I was not able to discover them until I found my voice. Finding my voice really changed my life. I hope all autistics are given opportunity to show how amazing autism is.