Real Thoughts About School

I FEEL REALLY ALWAYS TERRIFIED OF SCHOOL HOWEVER I LOOK FORWARD TO SOMEDAY NOT BEING SCARED ANYMORE. I FIND IT HARD TO SPELL ABOUT SCHOOL. MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT MAKING PRO CON LISTS TO HELP MAKE DECISIONS. I DECIDED TO MAKE ONE ABOUT IF I SHOULD GO TO SCHOOL. SHE SURPRISED HOW MANY PROS I CAME UP WITH AND I A BIT SURPRISED TO. 

SHOULD I GO BACK TO SCHOOL?

PROS

• HARD TO MEET NEW FRIENDS AT HOME
• I AM SMART AND ABLE TO LEARN LIKE OTHER KIDS
• FEEL LIKE I CAN STAND UP FOR MYSELF
• I AM FEELING MORE CAPABLE OF BEING IN CONTROL AT IMPORTANT TIMES
• ABLE TO LEARN TO LETTER TALK WITH OTHER PEOPLE
• 100% AMAZING AT TEACHING ABOUT AUTISM
• ARE FEELING TONNE OF LOVE FROM PEOPLE THAT KNOW I CAN SPELL

CONS

• ACCEPTANCE ALWAYS HARD
• FEEL QUITE SCARED OF SCHOOL
• MAD, BAD, SCARY AND TOTALLY IMPATIENT PEOPLE WORK THERE
• AM NOT SWIFT AT LEARNING TO LETTER TALK WITH OTHERS
• SAPPY TO MOM - EACH DAY I LOVE LEARNING WITH YOU
• LIKE DOING BOOK CLUB AND STUDY GROUP HOMESCHOOL EDITION
• MAKE LOTS OF NOISE, CAN'T HELP IT
• ALSO AM MOVING A LOT
• FEEL NERVOUS AND GET OUT OF CONTROL AROUND NEW PEOPLE
• AM BORED BY TOO EASY WORK

DECISION

DECISION ABOUT GOING TO SCHOOL AN INCREDIBLY HARD ONE. HAPPY AT HOME AND LEARNING A LOT. I AM ABLE TO MAKE FRIENDS AND DON'T FEEL SO ALONE ANYMORE. AM DECIDING NOT TO GO TO SCHOOL AGAIN. A HARD CHOICE BUT THE RIGHT ONE. 

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I ALSO WROTE ABOUT MY FEARS OF SCHOOL WHEN WE WERE TALKING ABOUT MALALA. IN MY LAST TIME AT SCHOOL I WAS AT NEW SCHOOL FOR A SHORT AND REALLY SCARY TIME. I STILL FEELING TERRIFIED AND HOPE SOMEDAY I AM ABLE TO ALTER THAT FEELING. 

(Written in response to the I Am Malala discussion question: Have you dealt with a traumatic or life changing experience? How did you react in the aftermath of that incident?)

FEEL SCHOOL WAS A TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE. AFTER I STARTED HOMESCHOOL I FELT STILL SCARED A LOT AND WORRIED A LOT HOMESCHOOL WOULD END. 365 DAYS OF THE YEAR I WORRIED. I FEEL NERVOUS STILL. 2.5 YEARS HAVE GONE BY AND I AM STILL STUCK BEING SCARED OF SCHOOL. 1.5 YEARS OF BEING ABLE TO TALK, 1.5 YEARS OF REAL EDUCATION AND I'M 9 YEARS OLD AND AM STILL NERVOUS THINKING ABOUT 1 MONTH IN SCHOOL. AMAZING THE FEAR 1 MONTH CAN CREATE. ATTACK ON MY MIND 1,000,000 TIMES WORSE THAN ATTACK ON MY BODY. I AM TALKING EACH DAY HOWEVER HATE TALKING ABOUT SCHOOL.