Real Thoughts About School

I FEEL REALLY ALWAYS TERRIFIED OF SCHOOL HOWEVER I LOOK FORWARD TO SOMEDAY NOT BEING SCARED ANYMORE. I FIND IT HARD TO SPELL ABOUT SCHOOL. MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT MAKING PRO CON LISTS TO HELP MAKE DECISIONS. I DECIDED TO MAKE ONE ABOUT IF I SHOULD GO TO SCHOOL. SHE SURPRISED HOW MANY PROS I CAME UP WITH AND I A BIT SURPRISED TO. 

SHOULD I GO BACK TO SCHOOL?

PROS

• HARD TO MEET NEW FRIENDS AT HOME
• I AM SMART AND ABLE TO LEARN LIKE OTHER KIDS
• FEEL LIKE I CAN STAND UP FOR MYSELF
• I AM FEELING MORE CAPABLE OF BEING IN CONTROL AT IMPORTANT TIMES
• ABLE TO LEARN TO LETTER TALK WITH OTHER PEOPLE
• 100% AMAZING AT TEACHING ABOUT AUTISM
• ARE FEELING TONNE OF LOVE FROM PEOPLE THAT KNOW I CAN SPELL

CONS

• ACCEPTANCE ALWAYS HARD
• FEEL QUITE SCARED OF SCHOOL
• MAD, BAD, SCARY AND TOTALLY IMPATIENT PEOPLE WORK THERE
• AM NOT SWIFT AT LEARNING TO LETTER TALK WITH OTHERS
• SAPPY TO MOM - EACH DAY I LOVE LEARNING WITH YOU
• LIKE DOING BOOK CLUB AND STUDY GROUP HOMESCHOOL EDITION
• MAKE LOTS OF NOISE, CAN'T HELP IT
• ALSO AM MOVING A LOT
• FEEL NERVOUS AND GET OUT OF CONTROL AROUND NEW PEOPLE
• AM BORED BY TOO EASY WORK

DECISION

DECISION ABOUT GOING TO SCHOOL AN INCREDIBLY HARD ONE. HAPPY AT HOME AND LEARNING A LOT. I AM ABLE TO MAKE FRIENDS AND DON'T FEEL SO ALONE ANYMORE. AM DECIDING NOT TO GO TO SCHOOL AGAIN. A HARD CHOICE BUT THE RIGHT ONE. 

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I ALSO WROTE ABOUT MY FEARS OF SCHOOL WHEN WE WERE TALKING ABOUT MALALA. IN MY LAST TIME AT SCHOOL I WAS AT NEW SCHOOL FOR A SHORT AND REALLY SCARY TIME. I STILL FEELING TERRIFIED AND HOPE SOMEDAY I AM ABLE TO ALTER THAT FEELING. 

(Written in response to the I Am Malala discussion question: Have you dealt with a traumatic or life changing experience? How did you react in the aftermath of that incident?)

FEEL SCHOOL WAS A TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE. AFTER I STARTED HOMESCHOOL I FELT STILL SCARED A LOT AND WORRIED A LOT HOMESCHOOL WOULD END. 365 DAYS OF THE YEAR I WORRIED. I FEEL NERVOUS STILL. 2.5 YEARS HAVE GONE BY AND I AM STILL STUCK BEING SCARED OF SCHOOL. 1.5 YEARS OF BEING ABLE TO TALK, 1.5 YEARS OF REAL EDUCATION AND I'M 9 YEARS OLD AND AM STILL NERVOUS THINKING ABOUT 1 MONTH IN SCHOOL. AMAZING THE FEAR 1 MONTH CAN CREATE. ATTACK ON MY MIND 1,000,000 TIMES WORSE THAN ATTACK ON MY BODY. I AM TALKING EACH DAY HOWEVER HATE TALKING ABOUT SCHOOL. 

ABA Confusion

We watched this interview yesterday where Tonia of Tonia Says talks about growing up with a disability:

I LOVED A LOT OF HER ANSWERS AND AGREE A LOT WITH THE ANSWER ABOUT NOT KNOWING A LIFE WITHOUT A BODY AND BRAIN DISCONNECT. FIND BEING ME AGAIN NOT TRAGIC. ABILITY TO BE A HAPPY AND AMAZING PERSON IS NOT ONLY FOR ABLE BODIED PEOPLE. AND A LOT OF PARENTS ARE NATURALLY WORRIED ABOUT AUTISM AND ARE AMAZINGLY TRYING TO HELP BUT I MUST OBJECT ABOUT HOW THEY HELP. I FEEL AFTER PEOPLE ARE ABA FINISHED THEY ARE MAD THEY WON'T GET MORE ABA. BUT IF THEY ASKED ANY AUTISTIC THEY WOULD SAY ABA IS THE STUPIDEST MOST BORING THING IN THE WORLD. AUTISM IS NOT A LEARNING PROBLEM. ABA DOES A LOT OF REPETITIVE WORK BUT DOESN'T HELP THE BRAIN BODY DISCONNECT. SAD ABOUT NOBODY BEING AWARE OF THIS. AM FINDING SO MANY AUTISTICS ARE SAYING SAME THING ABOUT ABA BUT NOBODY IS LISTENING TO THEM. THAT IS AMAZINGLY STRANGE TO ME. 

Bike Riding

REALLY GOOD AT LEARNING TO RIDE BIKE. AIM TO BE INDEPENDENT SOME DAY. IT IS A HARD THING AND ALSO SUCH A FUN THING TO LEARN TO DO. I FIND MY HANDS ARE SOMETIMES ABLE TO FABULOUSLY HOLD ON AND REALLY CONTROL THE BIKE DIRECTION BUT SOMETIMES I FIND THAT HANDS ARE NOT HOLDING ANYMORE AND HELPS HAVING DAD REMIND ME TO HOLD ON. AM ABLE TO PEDDLE SO FAST AND LOVE REALLY FEELING OF GOING AMAZINGLY QUICK. CARING MOM GETS A BIT NERVOUS WHEN I GET FAST. THINK SHE CARES THAT I NOT BE HURT BUT NEEDS A CALM DOWN. FEELING DAD A BIT MORE ACCEPTING OF DANGER. I AM ADVENTUROUS AND DANGER IS A PART OF ADVENTURE. ADVENTURE ALWAYS FUN. I AM UNDERSTANDABLY AMAZINGLY APPRECIATIVE OF BEING A BIKE RIDER. AM HOPING TO PRACTICE EVERYDAY WITH AMAZINGLY ADVENTUROUS DAD. I LOVE LOVING MOM SAPPY I KNOW I KNOW SHE JUST PROTECTING ME. I FEEL SO GOOD WHEN AM INDEPENDENT AND GIVES ME GOOD CONTROL WHEN I'M FAR FROM DAD. I FEEL TALKING IS GIVING ME BETTER ABILITY TO FEEL WHOLE BODY. I AM AMAZINGLY HAPPY I LEARNED RPM. I AM LIVING A DREAM LIFE. AGAIN AMAZED AT CONTROLLING MY BODY SO WELL NOW. IT FELT IMPOSSIBLE AT START OF RPM AND FEEL SO AMAZINGLY HAPPY AT HOW WELL IT IS GOING. I FEEL THAT AUTISTICS SHOULD ALL LEARN AMAZING RPM. 

ADVENTUROUS BIKE RIDERS

Ruby's Poem

FINDING RUBY SO TALENTED. SHE HAS A NATURAL STORY WRITING ABILITY AND NOW AMAZINGLY SHE HAS WRITTEN AN INCREDIBLE POEM. GOING TO REALLY ENJOY IT I THINK. 


The Earthquake

Crashing smashing buses crashing!
Billowing bawling houses falling!
People screaming people fleeing!
Earthquakes are the worst!
Gnashing splashing sharks are laughing!
Crack smack the floor is cracked!
Boom shoom birdies flew!
Ahhh Aaah! Looking bad!
I hate earthquake land!

Malls

HARD TO FATHOM A NORMAL PERSON FINDS MALL ENJOYABLE. I AM TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY OVERWHELMED AT THE MALL. I LOOK WEIRD SO I FIND PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS LOOKING AT ME WITH CONFUSED LOOKING FACES. AM FEELING LIKE AN ALIEN SOMETIMES. I FIND A MALL SO NOISY AND AM SO PERSONALLY EXHAUSTED BY GOING TO MALL EVEN FOR SHORT TIME. GOING TO MALL ALWAYS BETTER WHEN I HAVE MY HEADPHONES ON. ALSO HELPS TO HAVE TETLEY WITH ME. I FIND I CAN FOCUS ON HOLDING TETLEY'S LEASH AND IT HELPS BLOCK OUT ALL THE FEARSOME NOISE AND RAGING SIGHTS. FIND PEOPLE ARE A LOT NICER WHEN TETLEY IS WITH ME. AGAIN FEEL AVOIDING MALL IS BEST PLAN, HOWEVER AM HAPPY I HAVE TETLEY AROUND WHEN I NEED HIM. 

FEELING THIS VIDEO ACCURATELY DESCRIBES THE MALL SO FEELING HAPPY TO SHARE IT. 

Fox's friend Ryan also watched the video this week and had a different reaction which you can read about here: https://iaminmyhead.com/2016/04/06/opening-day-the-autism-experience-video-and-adventures/

Guest Blog From Brayden

TODAY A GUEST BLOG BY MY BEST FRIEND BRAYDEN. I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT AS MUCH AS I DO. 

IN MY HEAD

IN MY HEAD I AM THINKING.

I AM THINKING ABOUT MY LIFE BEFORE I FOUND MY VOICE.

BEFORE I COULD EXPRESS MY THOUGHTS.

BEFORE I COULD TALK ABOUT MY THOUGHTS.

BEFORE I COULD EXPRESS MY FEARS.

BEFORE I COULD FEEL APART OF THE WORLD.

BEFORE I COULD TALK ABOUT MY FAVOURITES.

BEFORE I COULD TALK ABOUT WHAT I AM PASSIONATE ABOUT.

BEFORE I COULD TALK ABOUT INTERESTING THINGS.

BEFORE I HAD FANTASTIC FRIENDS.

BEFORE I COULD TELL MY MOM HOW MUCH I LOVE HER AND HOW THANKFUL I AM TO HAVE HER IN MY LIFE.

BEFORE I COULD TELL MY DAD HOW MUCH I LOVE HIM AND I AM SO LUCKY TO HAVE THE BEST DAD EVER.

BEFORE I COULD TELL MY TWO SISTERS HOW MUCH I LOVE THEM AND HOW INCREDIBLE THEY ARE.

BEFORE I COULD TELL MY GRANDMA HOW MUCH I LOVE HER AND HOW THANKFUL I AM TO HAVE SUCH A INCREDIBLE GRANDMA LIKE HER.

BEFORE I COULD HAVE A OPINION AND TALK ABOUT IT.

BEFORE I COULD HAVE INCREDIBLE FRIENDS WHO I CAN TALK ABOUT ANYTHING.

I COULD NEVER DO ANY OF THESE THINGS BECAUSE I CANNOT SPEAK WITH MY MOUTH.  I DIDN’T HAVE A WAY TO COMMUNICATE EFFECTIVELY.  MY PARENTS TRIED MANY DIFFERENT WAYS TO HELP ME COMMUNICATE.  THE ONLY THING THAT WORKED WAS RPM (RAPID PROMPTING METHOD).  I FINALLY FOUND MY VOICE AND I COULDN’T BE HAPPIER.

Brayden and his amazing family

To read more of what Brayden has to say, visit his blog Life With a Boy Named Brayden

Autism Acceptance

ACCEPTANCE IS BEING APPRECIATED AND LIKED TOTALLY AS YOU ARE. ABILITY TO TALK AND CONTROL YOUR BODY NOT A CONDITION OF BEING LIKED. ACCEPTANCE TO ME ALWAYS IS HARD TO GET. I AM ACCEPTING OF ALL AUTISTICS AND FEEL IT IS AN EASY THING TO DO SO I HOPE OTHERS WILL TRY IT TOO. I THINK AUTISTICS ARE SUPER FRIENDS TO HAVE AND I THINK AUTISM ALSO CAN BE A GREAT THING TO HAVE. I AM TOTALLY BEING A HAPPY AUTISTIC. ABILITY TO APPRECIATE SO MANY HARD DAYS AND GET OVER SCARY TIMES IN MY LIFE IS POSSIBLE BECAUSE MY AUTISM IS ACCEPTED AND LOVED BY LOVING FAMILY AND FRIENDS. BE ACCEPTING OF EVERYONE, IT ALWAYS THE NICEST WAY TO BE. FINDING GOOD AMAZING THINGS ABOUT AUTISM IS NOT THAT HARD, GIVE IT A TRY. HERE IS A VIDEO ABOUT WHAT MAKES AUTISM AMAZING AND I'M TOTALLY HAPPY TO BE IN IT. 

Here are more Sesame Street and Autism videos: http://autism.sesamestreet.org/